Written prior to my second experience, June 2012, in the Medical Anatomy Lab…..
Wow the time has come! It is 4.48am Sunday morning – June 10, 2012. The day before my second cadaver dissection. There are so many emotions. Anxiety, overwhelm, fear, excitement of the possibilities of what I will become. Anticipation. The feelings are so deep, profound and confronting. It is difficult to acknowledge or even articulate them.
I am almost in trance like state. My day is planned. Walk 30 mins – good – will clear my head. Breakfast. Pack. 11am pickup for airport. 1pm depart Pittsburgh and fly to Boston. Arrive Boston. Taxi to Hotel. Get bearings, have a plan of how to get to Tufts uni and then hopefully sleep.
There is almost a dread – a sense of the unknown.
How many will there be?
How many people in the room that will become my colleagues
How many bodies in the room – all together
It is almost too painful for these thoughts to develop. There is suppression and an awkwardness and i am finding it hard to define or access what I am feeling. Just sitting with it and see where I go.
I am definitely feeling change in the air. Not just an overture to change but a real profound knowing that there will be change.
The thought of rebirth or moving forward is present and strong. Identity – professional and personal. I know this was an amazing journey last year – anticipation of what this year will bring is immense.
Before I left Australia, I was feeling very nervous as I knew it was going to be huge.
so I reached out to my mentor and he replied with this
I do believe it takes even more courage to come the second time than it does to come the first time, at least that was true in my own case! And, also, you will take things in at a deeper level given your prior introduction to the space and work and approach… We will have a lovely time, there is no end to the transformation love!! And we’ll have fun at it 🙂
See you very soon, safe travels,
I feel like I moved mountains but really I just moved myself. Very profound indeed.