I am sitting across the desk from a doctor – a specialist in hormones, whom I have visited to regulate my hormones. This not so gentle prompt was received by lack of energy, a symptom.
I ask her to help me with my insomnia. She asked how long has it been occurring. I said for a long time off and on (13+ years).
She said it would difficult to treat but she would give it a go.
The veil came down in that moment. FAILURE!!!!!!!!
I had failed my body and my body has failed me.
My energy had been waning for 2 months before but the dark hole was deep.
I could not see any light. My body was screaming.
My soul was whispering “rest”.
My nervous system was sending unbalanced signals which kept me tired and foggy, lacking clarity and directionless. And close to broke and so much debt.
What to tackle first.
It was unclear.
So with her advice, I started to take lots of Vitamin D and other supplements. I underwent a battery of tests.
I decided with a gentle nudge from my Mentor to take a block of time to recover. Which I have planned.
Now the veil is still I illusion. I am denying and resisting the dark dog and have forgotten to be compassionate.
My judgment of not being able to do it “succeed in my eyes on my terms with my expectations” is so strong that it keeps me twirling and rescinding into the vortex of the black hole.
I have even noticed that my breath pattern is very shallow. Keeping flow to a minimum.
What to do?
Just one step at a time.
The first step has been to follow the nudge and prepare myself for time off. Feels like an oxymoron because I am here in my home, taking time off to pause. I haven’t done this before. I have only ever taken time off and gone away. Part of me screams but you are here, why don’t you work, keep appointments (it’s fun anyway). But part of me knows that I need to take a pause, reflect and be still.
Even this idea and surrendering to it has created space in my body and soul.
So with this I have planned to take 10 days off and go with the flow. It feels right.
Another step is to continue with my meditation – focussing on my breath.
Prayer has been wonderful. Handing it over to a higher power. Not needing to control anything – releasing the expectation.
Gratitude – seeing all the things I am deeply grateful for in my life. Returning me to a state of grace. I truly believe that this practice alone has relieved me of my physical pain too.
The veil has lifted and I am feeling energised and ready to be supported and to support again.
I’m back and it feels great
On reflection – it’s been a pretty tough time.
The biggest things I want to share is that when I was with the doctor, I gave away all my power – willing to believe that my body and I was less than.
My expectations far exceeded my reality – bridging the gap was vital to achieving resonance and balance.
Reaching out to others for support was crucial to release the shame.
Finding compassion within gave me peace.
Experiences are neither good or bad – they are all part of the journey that create the “real you” And so it is . . .
If you are experiencing the dark veil of illusion, reach out to others who are there to support you to see the light. It is no fun being there on your own. If you are ready to go deeper and shine the light on the root cause, then I invite to work to come and work with me Click here to book your Medical Intuitive Session.
Light is so much better. Life is simple and so profound. Blessings.