I am sitting across the desk from a doctor – a specialist in hormones, whom I have visited to regulate my hormones. This not so gentle prompt was received by lack of energy, a symptom.

I ask her to help me with my insomnia. She asked how long has it been occurring. I said for a long time off and on (13+ years).

She said it would difficult to treat but she would give it a go.

The veil came down in that moment. FAILURE!!!!!!!!

I had failed my body and my body has failed me.

My energy had been waning for 2 months before but the dark hole was deep.

I could not see any light. My body was screaming.

My soul was whispering “rest”.

My nervous system was sending unbalanced signals which kept me tired and foggy, lacking clarity and directionless. And close to broke and so much debt.

What to tackle first.

It was unclear.

My health?

My wealth?

So with her advice, I started to take lots of Vitamin D and other supplements. I underwent a battery of tests.

I decided with a gentle nudge from my Mentor to take a block of time to recover.  Which I have planned.

Now the veil is still I illusion. I am denying and resisting the dark dog and have forgotten to be compassionate.

My judgment of not being able to do it “succeed in my eyes on my terms with my expectations” is so strong that it keeps me twirling and rescinding into the vortex of the black hole.

I have even noticed that my breath pattern is very shallow. Keeping flow to a minimum.

What to do?

Just one step at a time.

The first step has been to follow the nudge and prepare myself for time off. Feels like an oxymoron because I am here in my home, taking time off to pause. I haven’t done this before. I have only ever taken time off and gone away. Part of me screams but you are here, why don’t you work, keep appointments (it’s fun anyway). But part of me knows that I need to take a pause, reflect and be still.

Even this idea and surrendering to it has created space in my body and soul.

So with this I have planned to take 10 days off and go with the flow. It feels right.

Another step is to continue with my meditation – focussing on my breath.

Prayer has been wonderful. Handing it over to a higher power. Not needing to control anything – releasing the expectation.

Gratitude – seeing all the things I am deeply grateful for in my life. Returning me to a state of grace.  I truly believe that this practice alone has relieved me of my physical pain too.

The veil has lifted and I am feeling energised and ready to be supported and to support again.

I’m back and it feels great

On reflection – it’s been a pretty tough time.

The biggest things I want to share is that when I was with the doctor, I gave away all my power – willing to believe that my body and I was less than.

My expectations far exceeded my reality – bridging the gap was vital to achieving resonance and balance.

Reaching out to others for support was crucial to release the shame.

Finding compassion within gave me peace.

Experiences are neither good or bad – they are all part of the journey that create the “real you”  And so it is . . .

If you are experiencing the dark veil of illusion, reach out to others who are there to support you to see the light. It is no fun being there on your own.  If you are ready to go deeper and shine the light on the root cause, then I invite to work to come and work with me  Click here to book your Medical Intuitive Session.  

 Light is so much better. Life is simple and so profound. Blessings.

Do you ever judge yourself?

In my training program for the New York Marathon, I completed 3X30kms runs. The last 2 X 30kms training runs were plagued with judgment. It was heavy, dense and tough.

Even with all that judgment, I found the resolve to complete the task ahead. That was the triumph – it felt regenerating, reinvigorating and it was like I was reinventing me. It felt fantastic.

30km Posts – it was raw

“Oh my God – I DID IT 30km ‪#‎inthebank‬ it started not as I had hoped “the not enough” thoughts were dogging me for most of the way – not fast enough, not light enough and lots of different versions along the way. I felt heavy, depleted and battered from the inside. I did some healing work on me, then it was focus and one step after another. The only way to transcend these feelings and thoughts is to feel them rather than resist. I felt them – it made it my hardest run to date. But I have to say it was also my best. The only way to quieten ego and fear is show it that it is false – not true. When I got home, all those feelings were no longer present. The feelings of triumph, excitement and success surfaced and it feels amazing. ‪#‎inspired‬ ‪#‎2015NewYorkMarathon‬ ‪#‎mariaheals‬‪#‎maverickmanifestor‬ ‪#‎FFFF‬”

“6x5kms done ‪#‎inthebank‬ At 20km called my coach (Kevin) and he gave me the option – if I couldn’t go on to stop – I said – no, I know that is not an option – i changed the route – thought yep that’s a great option – this gave me energy – adventure vibes (forgot about the fatigue) then the Universe said oh I’ll help you out – thank you – I was checking out the scenery, my friend Robyn called out my name – I thought it was a mirage but it was real so we chatted for another 4km – woohoo – now I had 6 to go – with a bit of grunt, determination and perseverance yep – you got it 30km (I think I did a little over, but whose counting?!) #inthebank ‪#‎2015NewYorkMarathon‬ ‪#‎mariaheals‬‪#‎maverickmanifestor‬ ‪#‎FFFF‬”

How does the shadow Judge turn up in your life?

I did some deep internal work (healing this shadow aspect) to find out why the judge has been so vocal. It has been showing up a lot lately – so it was time to thank it and help it move on.

After digging deep, I found that the shadow Judge helps me with 3 motivators, which are crucial when it comes to achieving my goal. So in fact it has a big role in my personal development.

My 3 motivators fuelled by the Judge

1. Resolve, dig deep and find something new
2. Tenacity – to keep going – way beyond my comfort zone
3. Drive – the fuel that keeps me going.

Our shadow aspects can be good for us too.

They help us achieve, beyond our wildest dreams. I found this new insight has provided me with a sense of peace and calm. Because no matter what contrast presents, I know I have the tools to cope with it. Contrast supports me to grow – thank you and release it.

How do you release contrast?

It is a 3 phase approach.

• name it,
• describe it
• release it

This is not an easy process. It is deep and sometimes has to be dug out – ready to be released and then some shifts occur for it to release. But after having said all that, I can attest that the insights are profound. The lessons acknowledged and the achievements celebrated.

The tough part of this is releasing. You know I have been there and done that – I get it, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. The embodiment of the shadow aspect can create havoc with us on a very cellular level, which manifests in energy variances and physical symptoms.

Need some help with this – this is what I do – help you release the contrast from your life. Check out the Medical Intuitive Session here.