This morning was my last long run before flying out to New York to step onto the start line on November 1, 2015.
It was fun, easy – really cruisey – my body feels good and it knows I am ready to run my race. I have done all the training and had many conversations with myself along the way. Dug deep, sometimes not so pretty but released and learnt a lot about myself.
And yet this morning when my coach handed out our times (3 of my friends are doing it too), my heart sank to a depth and the feeling of not deserving to be there engulfed like a pariah. I know this will be my slowest and I am at my heaviest. But when I see it in hard cold facts like numbers on a sheet – it is a big reality check. Makes me think I should not be there.
So it got me thinking – why did I start? The goal was to finish it with a smile on my face. Did I expect to be better? Maybe! Have I done all I could do? Yes!
Then – am I questioning my ability to complete it? No!
Then when is a good time to start? Whenever you and I decide it is!!!
Will the parameters change around performance? Probably. But for this time I want to receive from within, that I am good enough to be there. I deserve to be there. I have respected the distance. My humility lies in my resolve. I have completed all my runs. Come hail, rain, wind or heat.
I have co created a reality where I have taken all steps necessary to complete this ultra human feat. I have healed fears and self limiting beliefs. I have done the internal and external work.
So when my coach gives me a time that helps me release the last vestige of ego and pride. My heart and soul felt a deep sadness. However, after a cry and a check in – I recognise, that just to be on the start line is a triumph in itself.
The marathon will challenge anyone physically, mentally and spiritually. I have been challenged. I have transcended.
Now ask the question.
When is a good time to start?
1. When you ask the question,
2. when you decide.
The strength is in the ability to start.
The acceptance and humility is in the ability to finish.
The in between is the ability to transcend, nourish and appreciate the journey.
One step at a time.
Here I come New York!
I am ready
To celebrate with you all.