We hear a lot about it everywhere: psychology and self-help books, spiritual teachings, trauma healing practices, and more. But, what is our inner child? How can we know if she needs attention? How can we heal through inner-child work?
I’ll walk you through a step-by-step process of understanding inner-child healing and its profound transformational and healing effects. It’s time we see her, acknowledge her, and open space to heal past trauma. Healing our inner child is a crucial part of our evolutionary process.
What is the inner child?
The moment you are born you start receiving and processing information from external events. Some of these events are hard to process, mentally and emotionally. When you were a child you didn’t have the knowledge or the wisdom to handle these events. So, you hold to them, turning them into memories, beliefs, or hopes and dreams for the future. All these energies and emotions then become part of your subconscious mind.
As you grow and face similar situations, these emotions and beliefs in your subconscious get triggered. The inner child is always looking for ways to feel safe. It is that child version of yourself still living inside of you.
So, what? You may ask. How can this affect me? Well, as it turns out when you feel stuck in life, stressed, frustrated, or when you experience anxiety and fear, this may mean your inner child is running the show.
How do we know the inner child needs attention?
Awareness is the first step. Know that we all have an inner child that wants to laugh and bring joy to our lives. But mainly shows up with inner tantrums, insecurity, doubt, and fear. When life gets challenging your past micro-traumas get triggered. And then, here she comes: knock, knock, knock! Your inner child is showing at the door.
How do you know she’s here? You demonstrate certain behaviors that are a reflection of your inner child’s insecurity. For example, when you compare yourself to others. When you feel entitled to get something and you don’t. When things don’t go as planned and you feel anger and frustration. When you have an obsessive need for control. When you feel anxiety or perfectionism. When you avoid certain people, places, or situations. When you procrastinate on important things.
When your inner child is running the show, you feel controlled by the outer world instead of acting as a creator of it. So, now the question arises. How can we heal our inner child?
The inner child heals when she is seen, heard, and witnessed.
It’s simple, right? Or maybe not. Inner child work requires us to go deep into ourselves. To look into past situations and emotions we probably don’t like. It asks us to be uncomfortable first, so we can then release ourselves from limitations. Go into the darkness and embrace it.
The inner child healing process.
I’m going to take you through the process of healing your inner child. Do this whenever you feel out of control, or when you feel lost and have no idea what the next step is for you.
- Take three long breaths. That is three deep inhalations followed by the exhalation. Do this to center yourself.
- Close your eyes. Ask yourself: what age? See what comes up first. In my experience as a Spiritual Mentor, most people will recall memories from ages three to eight. This is not a norm, but a commonality I’ve seen over the decades I’ve been doing this work.
- Once you’ve been given the age, visualize your inner child. Sit with her. See her. Ask her what she needs, how she feels. What do you see? Can you offer her anything? Maybe she needs a hug or a soothing hold. Maybe you give her a loving embrace. Simply love her, witness her. Spend some time, around five to ten minutes, unpacking her fears.
- Now say this out loud:
“You don’t need to work so hard. I’m the adult. I got this”
Hold her tight. Then, in your mind, visualize shrinking down and place her in your heart. Now, cover your heart with your hands, left over right, and say:
“I got you. I love you. The adult in me has got this.”
Acknowledge her work. Thank her for coming forward. Heal her with gratitude.
Great work! Don’t you feel lighter?
This is why inner-child healing is so powerful.
The inner child doesn’t have the skills to solve issues or challenges that often come up in our lives, nor she should have them. She is a child. She becomes perplexed and fearful for the complexity and layers of our struggles. The adult has the skills. Trust yourself.
When the adult does this work, the Sovereign archetype presents. You can now reclaim and declare your sovereignty. Trust the inner self. The Sovereign is much more powerful and can make decisions, have clarity, and light the path ahead with ease.
When the inner child is happy, she brings play and joy into your life. Whilst the Sovereign, the inner Queen, sits rightfully on her throne.
Doing this work is a game-changer.
Let’s do it! Let’s turn you into a Thriver!
Blessings, Spiritual Warrior.